hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
