And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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