we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
