how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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