WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize