my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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