She said her name was "party"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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