I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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