Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
