that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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