May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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