This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
