Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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