this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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