I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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