Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
