I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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