new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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