I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
