He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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