ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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