how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
