Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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