watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
