I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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