I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
