You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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