so explain again why im purple
no
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
