I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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