also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
