Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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