the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
