i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
