You can't special order awesome
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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