ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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