I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize