she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize