I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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