i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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