highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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