He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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