I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
