Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
