I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
