Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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