FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
vagina is talking i cant
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
