If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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