Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
