I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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