your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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