I bet he comes in French.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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