i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
