plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
