he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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