don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize