Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need water and some morals
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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