my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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