people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
