Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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