Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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