We're facebook friends in real life
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
